21 months 5 days. Another round of 10 days of radiation is done. It will buy us 1.5-2 more months of a hopefully happy filled with spunk Zoey. Her spark is back. It went away for a little while. She is walking and dancing and singing and eating. Peeing, not so much, but she’s happy.
She’s happy. Three weeks ago we said that if she doesn’t rebound by the end of April we will sign the DNR. We said when she stops talking we will make preparations. We made a list of things to fix in the house. A house I bought for Zoey. A house that I cannot call my home. She is my home.
In two months we will be back with Dr Constine, talking about masks, palliative care, 10 days or 5 days, radiation dosages, and what this will do to her. No one has had 4 rounds of radiation to one single part of their body. Her brain will turn to mush if ONC201 doesn’t work.
We focus on the bad. We appear to have strength but we have no choice. We appear to have it together, but our worlds a cluster fuck of emotions. I help others because it’s the only thing I can offer. My knowledge that I have gained on this journey. It’s all I can give.
All I can give, and my soul is empty. To mourn the living, to pray for the dead, to see the blackness in the light. That is my world.
She is my world.
The Sunflower and Cancer 